Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
