drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
