That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
