I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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