girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
