he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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