You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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