Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
