Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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