i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize