my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
