fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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