well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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