she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
