It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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