I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
