theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
