i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
