I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
