S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
