Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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