you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
