you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize