the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
