come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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