Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Randomize