yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize