I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
