I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
