I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
