If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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