i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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