I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize