Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize