Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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