my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
