I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
