"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
