dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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