your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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