His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
