We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
