mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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