dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize