Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
