Michael Bay diarrhea
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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