My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
