Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize