Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
