can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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