Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
