He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
