Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize