My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
