Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
