this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
