Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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