He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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