just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
