Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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