Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize