he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
