All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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