hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
