you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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