I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your penis caused this!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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