Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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