he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
