well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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