Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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