Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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