u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
