It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
