i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
