i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
