All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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