I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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