Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,

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(216): View more from Ohio

We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.

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(727): View more from Florida

I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

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(708): View more from Illinois

I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?

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(714): View more from California

Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?

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