he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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