4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
