First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
