honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
