I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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