my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
