your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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