Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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