I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
