mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
