I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
