I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
