did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize