It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
