it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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