Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
