you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
