Your dad touched me again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
