She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
