I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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